Ah," he said. "I had an . . . artistic disagreement with the director of the panto. As it happens, I take issue with the objectification of women in Cinderella, and the reliance on shoes as a means of identification. Surely you understand.

These houses had been plunked down with an alarming randomness -- unevenly spaced, on crooked lines, like whoever had designed the place had said, "We'll just follow this cat, and wherever he sits down, we'll build something.

It was like the entire world was colluding to make me feel insane, and it was doing a really good job.

Which is both gross and breathtakingly romantic. He could always have just gone upstairs and brushed his teeth, but he stayed and lurked by the fish for me.

Sometimes it is worth any amount of suffering just to prevent giving your parents the opportunity to be right.

Some nutter's gone and pulled a Jack the Ripper.

Why are Americans so fascinated by Ireland?" Keith asked... "you all think you're Irish. What's the appeal? Do you like the accent more? Is it all the magical rocks? Oh, look, a lep­rechaun.