Tell me what you want, what you really, really want," he said. "Braiiinnnnssss," we said in unison.

The cast of Hamlet had not moved much. They had that haunted yet hopeful look in their eyes, like the ones you see in photographs of people crammed into steerage compartments, traveling to some new, unknown land.

And if we get caught, I will claim I made you go. At gunpoint. I am American. People will assume I'm armed.

I am a mass of contradictions.

I try to shake it loose-but these ideas, they cling. It's like I'm shackled to them with an iron chain. They rattle along behind me, dragging against the ground, always reminding me of their presence.

It took a lot of women like that, a lot of women who said "I'm not going to do what you expect me to do, because you have no idea what I'm capable of. I'm going to get dirty and use tools and live the way I want" to move the world forward.

Tired, but not the kind of tired that sleep fixes.