I mean it. Like, people always talk about how God doesn’t ever give you more than you can handle, but I’m telling you right now, I cannot handle this. This is just too much!

Friend Tim shakes hands with Perfect Specimen of Mankind. Will never wash right hand again.

...it was never a good idea to date a foreigner. You can never tell when they're lying.' 'hello. Dave was BRITISH.

Meet me inside the Edge of the Icepack penguin enclosure in at four fifteen" she says, sounding just like Kim Possible. If Kim Possible ever asked people to meet her inside a penguin enclosures.

My favorite book of all time is Cold Comfort Farm, by Stella Gibbons.

I snatched the paper away from Dopey. "Hey," he yelled. "I was reading that!" "Let somebody who can pronounce all the big words have a try," I said.

So take my advice: whatever you do? Don’t blink