Jewish women are very exciting, as exciting sexually as any other group. Even so, my advice to a young man marrying a Jewish girl would be to have three and a half years of foreplay. Of course, most girls in every group are reserved about getting down to it. They don't usually do it right away. But once they do it, women are bananas. They don't wanna do it, you can't make them do it, there's no way they'll do it - but once they do it, they don't let you alone.

I was in the army, and to me it was like a newsreel.

I don't know what to say so I'll just say what's in my heart...badoom, badoom, badoom.

When we got to our hotel rooms, mosquitoes as big as George Foreman were waiting for us. They were sitting in armchairs with their legs crossed.

My mother is very short - four-eleven. She could walk under tables and never hit her head.

Sir, I have seen your film and it is vulgar! Madame, my film rises below vulgarity.

The only thing we don't have a god for is premature ejaculation... but I hear that it's coming quickly.