When I was a little boy, I thought when I grew up I would talk Yiddish. I thought little kids talked English, but when they became adults, they would talk Yiddish like the adults did. There would be no reason to talk English anymore, because we would have made it.

All right, I am often brash, rude and brutally direct. Someday I'm going to die and I don't have time to toe-dance around the periphery of hatred.

Being short never bothered me for three seconds. The rest of the time I wanted to commit suicide.

I love spaghetti and sex, sometimes together. My dream of heaven is walking naked through fields of pasta fazool.

Merchandising, merchandising, where the real money from the movie is made.

Writing is simply one thought after another dying upon the one before.

If Ivan the Terrible had been kissed and loved between zero and three, he probably would have become Ivan Not So Terrible. If you're Jewish, you have a small smile on your face. Because you know the rest are wrong and you don't want to hurt their feelings.