I sometimes look into the face of my dog Stan and see a wistful sadness and existential angst, when all he is actually doing is slowly scanning the ceiling for flies.

Every moment of your life that is not a complete nightmare is happiness.

You just never know when it might be cookie time. And, that is what the dogs have taught me.

Conversely, beware the man who does nothing but ask you questions about yourself and offers no information about himself. Not only is he keeping you at bay, he is probably not listening to your answers.

A wacky, trendy outfit on a guy over 40 indicates he's got big issues.

A more complex - but only slightly more original - way to feel out of it is available at the hip and pretentious nightclubs and bars along the Sunset Strip.

my mother ... took the fact that my taste differed from hers as a personal insult.