I was going to get the Carolyn Bessette story out of her one way or another.

My father was a sergeant with the Connecticut state police. My mother was a hairstylist.

I spent two weeks prancing around a studio in Queens in my underwear with nine other guys. They were long days. But what the hell, it was Calvin Klein.

I wanted to grow up to be just like my father.

I wasn't even 20 at the time, but it taught me something about drugs. They can take a good man, a warm, funny, loving family man, and turn him into a loser and worse.

The fact is, my parents loved me, and I wanted to be worthy of their love. I wanted to make them proud.

It struck me that what I'd heard about certain celebrities was true: they had It, whatever the hell It was. Star power isn't a myth; it is tangible and forceful.