Oprah's got good politics, she's got a good heart, and she'll have us all up Jazzercising at six in the morning. This cannot be a bad thing, and reading a book while we're Jazzercising. So America would be better off if Oprah were president.

Any time you got the Pope and the Dixie Chicks against you, your time is up.

There's nothing pure about capitalism.

As a quiet salute to Beavis and Butthead, I held up my index finger and thumb in an "L"-the international sign for loser.

Most liberals I know were for invading Afghanistan right after 9/11.

Fahrenheit 9/11: The temperature where freedom burns!

We're never gonna get rid of crazy people. They've been around for thousands of years - they'll continue to be around; they'll continue to do horrible things.