A Pessimist sees the glass as half empty; A Cub Fan wonders when it's gonna spill.

It's unnatural for people to run around the city streets unless they are thieves or victims. It makes people nervous to see someone running. I know that when I see someone running on my street, my instincts tell me to let the dog go after him.

When I asked him how long he had been driving a taxi, he said, Dree mouse.

God tipped the country and all the fruits and nuts rolled west.

Hollywood has always been political. They consider it their right and duty to tell us what is politically good and right.

It's much harder to be a liberal than a conservative. Why? Because it is easier to give someone the finger than a helping hand.

All that proves is that most of the world is too poor to build bowling alleys, golf courses, tennis courts and baseball fields. There's hundreds of millions of poor people out there who still ain't got indoor plumbing, but that don't mean there's something great about an outhouse. Soccer is boring. I've never seen a more boring sport.