It's been my policy to view the Internet not as an 'information highway,' but as an electronic asylum filled with babbling loonies.

It's unnatural for people to run around the city streets unless they are thieves or victims. It makes people nervous to see someone running. I know that when I see someone running on my street, my instincts tell me to let the dog go after him.

There is only one way to solve the alleged crisis of the erosion of 'family values.' And that is to get right down to the root cause of the problem.

For some people, being free means being free to keep their feet on someone else's chest.

Whether one eats a cat or not is a personal choice, and I don't want to sway anyone one way or another. But if you do, there is one obvious cooking tip: Always remember to remove the bell from the cat's collar before cooking.

When I asked him how long he had been driving a taxi, he said, Dree mouse.

God tipped the country and all the fruits and nuts rolled west.