I really think guys only need two pairs of shoes. A nice pair of black shoes and a pair of Chuck Taylors.

I always wanted to write, even before I realized that there was a comedy writers' world, or what that life was like. I never thought of myself, at least as a little kid, in terms of being the onscreen talent. I always thought it'd be so much fun to write sketches and be a writer. Even as little as 6 or 7, that's what my main interest was.

The chorus of “Jack and Diane” is: Oh yeah, life goes on, long after the thrill of living is gone. Are you kidding me? The thrill of living was high school? Come on, Mr. Cougar Mellencamp. Get a life.

I don't want to be skinny. I'm constantly in a state of self-improvement but I don't beat myself up over it.

To have a complete outfit designed, for me, is easier than trying to find pieces that work together.

Why is everyone trying to tell me that when you get older it gets better?

In my writers' room, which is mostly men, I get a lot of questions like "What would be the quickest way to pass as a seemingly normal guy between the ages of twenty-five and forty years old?"