My whole childhood was like: Work hard, be quiet, respect elderly people, respect your parents, and just be unobtrusive.

Twitter is the most amazing medium for a comedy writer. I can't get in every idea I want on the show no matter how hard I try to bully the other writers, so it's a way of me getting out other comic ideas and immediately getting feedback.

I had to learn a skill set. I think I had the materials to be a good comedy writer.

I want a schedule-keeping, waking-up-early, wallet-carrying, picture-hanging man. I don't care if he takes prescription drugs for cholesterol or hair loss.

Skinny foodie, get away from me.

You might also see that some of my playlists are simply two songs on repeat fifteen times, like I’m a psycho getting pumped up to murder the president.

I don't want to be skinny. I'm constantly in a state of self-improvement but I don't beat myself up over it.