If I’m at a party where I’m not enjoying myself, I will put some cookies in my jacket pocket and leave without saying good-bye.

If you are going to ask your crush for their phone number, you are one of the small group of women I am so jealous of.

All I want to do is be a gay icon. I was reading Lady Gaga's twitter, because she has like 12 million followers, or something like that. I feel like she has fans, gay, straight, bi, who would throw themselves off a building for her.

It doesn't help for you to name a character's first name be Mindy and then be like, "I'm nothing like the character."

I don't want to hear about the endless struggles to keep sex exciting, or the work it takes to plan a date night. I want to hear that you guys watch every episode of The Bachelorette together in secret shame, or that one got the other hooked on Breaking Bad and if either watches it without the other, they're dead meat. I want to see you guys high-five each other like teammates on a recreational softball team you both do for fun.

On 'The Office,' so much of the show is about disguising your true feelings and your romantic feelings because it was a mock documentary.

I feel like I'm in the right profession.