I got binoculars 'cause I don't want to go that close.

I sometimes close my eyes during a show because I have drawn a picture of an audience enjoying the show more on the back of my eyelids.

I wish they made fajita cologne, because that stuff smells good. What's that you're wearing? That's sizzlin'!

I have no problem not listening to the Temptations.

People associate long hair with drug use. I wish people associated long hair with something other than drug use, like an extreme longing for cake. And then strangers would see a long haired guy and say, "That guy eats cake!" "He is on bundt cake!" Mothers saying to their daughters, "Don't bring the cake eater over here anymore. He smells like flour. Did you see how excited he got when he found out your birthday was fast approaching?"

It's very dangerous to wave to people you don't know because what if they don't have hands? They'll think you're cocky.

Wearing a turtleneck is like being strangled by a really weak guy, all day. Wearing a backpack and a turtleneck is like a weak midget trying to bring you down.