There are two kinds of humor. One kind that makes us chuckle about our foibles and our shared humanity -- like what Garrison Keillor does. The other kind holds people up to public contempt and ridicule -- that's what I do. Satire is traditionally the weapon of the powerless against the powerful. I only aim at the powerful. When satire is aimed at the powerless, it is not only cruel -- it's vulgar.

This is the man (Ronald Reagan) who proved that ignorance is no handicap to the presidency

You look at the large problems that we face - that would be overpopulation, water shortages, global warming and AIDS, I suppose - all of that needs international cooperation to be solved.

And the funny thing is, I've always been an optimist - it's practically a congenital disorder with me.

Sometimes I think Texas exists as a reality check for those who might wander too far toward the precious.

I think of Texas as the laboratory for bad government.

So keep fighting for freedom and justice, beloveds.