On the whole, I prefer not to be lectured on patriotism by those who keep offshore maildrops in order to avoid paying their taxes.

I'm sorry that government involves filling out a lot of forms. ... I'm sorry myself that we're not still on the frontier, where we could all tote guns, shoot anything that moved and spit to our hearts' content. But we live in a diverse and crowded country, and with civilization comes regulation.

Every two years, one of the most hotly contested elections in Texas is the poll taken among members of the capitol press corps to determine who are actually the ten stupidest members of the Legislature. Two years ago, there were thirty-seven official nominees and several write-ins.

The first rule of holes: When you're in one stop digging.

This is the man (Ronald Reagan) who proved that ignorance is no handicap to the presidency

I believe all Southern liberals come from the same starting point--race. Once you figure out they are lying to you about race, you start to question everything.

One thing that corporations do not do is give out money out of the goodness of their hearts.