I was kidnapped by aliens, they came down from outer space with ray guns, but I fooled them by wearing a wig and laughing in a foreign accent, and I escaped.

What power would Hell have if those imprisoned were not able to dream of Heaven?

You think you're being given all of these things: phones that can communicate with other devices, car service that's better than a taxi, all of these amazing things that are available to you at any time. It isn't until you've swum across the river that you can start to see the negative aspects of it all.

I believe in a personal god who cares about me and worries and oversees everything I do. I believe in an impersonal god who set the universe in motion and went off to hang with her girlfriends and doesn't even know that I'm alive. I believe in an empty and godless universe of causal chaos, background noise, and sheer blind luck... I believe that life is a game, that life is a cruel joke, and that life is what happens when you're alive and that you might as well lie back and enjoy it.

I wish being a beekeeper, which I am, gave you a free pass on the carbon footprint, but it doesn't.

I think I’ll dismember the world and then I’ll dance in the wreckage.

Nice' in a bodyguard is about as useful as the ability to regurgitate whole lobsters.