I actually believe in denial.

It's much easier to get over someone if you can delude yourself into thinking you never really cared that much.

If pregnancy were a book they would cut the last two chapters.

Whenever I get married, I start buying Gourmet magazine.

I am continually fascinated at the difficulty intelligent people have in distinguishing what is controversial from what is merely offensive.

[On George W. Bush:] How is it possible that the president is off on vacation and the vice president is, too? Not that it matters that much if the president is on vacation; on some level, the president is always on vacation.

When I buy a new book, I always read the last page first, that way in case I die before I finish, I know how it ends. That, my friend, is a dark side.