Let's redefine scandal. Scandal is not who's dating who. Scandal is 1.2 million people living in tents in Haiti.

I do not tweeze my eyebrows. I've been letting them grow out for years. I try to fill them in wherever nature has abandoned me.

In fact, I'm softer than I've ever been, including that unfortunate semester in high school when I simultaneously discovered Krispy Kreme and pot.

I also discovered Pilates when I got pregnant, as people kept saying it's a great way to stay in shape, and now I can't get enough - it's amazing. It helps with aches and pain and, even for non-pregnant people, it's a great way of getting those lean muscles.

So are all the kids on the East Coast repeating school next year? Get ready to see a lot of hairy eighth graders. Storm brain drain.

Motherhood is heart-exploding, blissful hysteria.

I feel like fashion should not happen in the morning.