The first duty in life is to be as artificial as possible. What the second duty is no one has as yet discovered.

To make a good salad is to be a brilliant diplomatist - the problem is entirely the same in both cases. To know exactly how much oil one must put with one's vinegar.

I wonder that no criminal has ever pleaded the ugliness of your city as an excuse for his crimes.

One should not be too severe on English novels; they are the only relaxation of the intellectually unemployed.

There is nothing so difficult to marry as a large nose.

To expect the unexpected shows a thoroughly modern intellect.

And if life be, as it surely is, a problem to me, I am no less a problem to life.