When people talk to us about others they are usually dull. When they talk to us about themselves they are nearly always interesting.

The supreme vice is shallowness.

Fruitcake is like semen, there's a lot of it about but no one wants to swallow it

I have spent most of the day putting in a comma and the rest of the day taking it out.

Clergymen and people who use phrases without wisdom sometimes talk of suffering as a mystery. It is really a revelation.

Frank Harris has been received in all the great houses - once.

The world was my oyster but I used the wrong fork.