America has never quite forgiven Europe for having been discovered somewhat earlier in history than itself.

You will always be fond of me. I represent to you all the sins you have never had the courage to commit.

Women have a much better time than men in this world; there are far more things forbidden to them.

If you pretend to be good, the world takes you very seriously. If you pretend to be bad, it doesn't. Such is the astounding stupidity of optimism.

I can sympathize with everything, except suffering.

...The two great turning-points of my life were when my father sent to Oxford, and when society sent me to prison.

Too much work, and no vacation, Deserves at least a small libation. So hail! my friends, and raise your glasses, Work's the curse of the drinking classes.