They've promised that dreams can come true - but forgot to mention that nightmares are dreams, too.

To begin with, I dined there on Monday, and once a week is quite enough to dine with one's own relations.

No one wants to see a play called 'Lady Windermere's Fan'. It's going to be called 'Cocks in Frocks II' or I will find another publisher

Life is far too important a thing ever to talk seriously about.

Jack? . . . No, there is very little music in the name Jack, if any at all, indeed. It does not thrill. It produces absolutely no vibrations . . . I have known several Jacks, and they all, without exception, were more than usually plain. Besides, Jack is a notorious domesticity for John! And I pity any woman who is married to a man called John. She would probably never be allowed to know the entrancing pleasure of a single moment’s solitude. The only really safe name is Ernest.

The difference between literature and journalism is that journalism is unreadable and literature is not read.

There is no country in the world where machinery is so lovely as in America.