"Why is it that at a bachelor's establishment the servants invariably drink the champagne? I ask merely for information." "I attribute it to the superior quality of the wine, sir. I have often observed that in married households the champagne is rarely of a first-rate brand." "Good Heavens! Is marriage so demoralizing as that?" "I believe it is a very pleasant state, sir. I have had very little experience of it myself up to the present. I have only been married once. That was in consequence of a misunderstanding between myself and a young person."

Nothing is good in moderation. You cannot know good in anything until you have torn the heart out of it by excess.

One has a right to judge a man by the effect he has over his friends.

As long as a woman can look ten years younger than her own daughter, she is perfectly satisfied.

Being natural is simply a pose, and the most irritating pose I know.

The happiness of a married man depends on the people he has not married.

Actions are the first tragedy in life, words are the second. Words are perhaps the worst. Words are merciless. . .