I'll only retire in the day I should be dead and they have me buried, and some idiot spell over my casket some stupid gospel stuff.

I'm not a musician - I'm a ham.

When I was a practicing alcoholic, I was unbelievable. One side effect was immense suspicion: I'd come off tour like Inspector Clouseau on acid. 'Where's this cornflake come from? It wasn't here before.

When you get to 60, the word "retirement" comes in on every conversation.

My son Jack once said to me, 'Dad, do you think people are laughing with you or at you?' And I said, 'I don't care as long as they're laughing.'

L.A.'s not a good place to grow old.

I was never good at sports. I was never good at exams, because they didn't understand dyslexia.