The bike went up in the air and landed on my back. It broke my neck, smashed my collarbone and splinters of bone severed my main artery. My lung filled up with blood. I severed my nerves and to this day I have no feeling there.

I live in a 9 million dollar turd.

Yes, I did bite the head off of a dove. Yes, I did bite the head off of a bat. It's a stupid thing to do, but I did it.

Being sober on a bus is, like, totally different than being drunk on a bus.

You've got to have something to retire to. Something you always wanted to do but your job prevented it.

I'll always be an outrageous character.

There are no uncriminal crimes.