It's possible to fight intolerance, stupidity and fanaticism when they come separately. When you get all three together it's probably wiser to get out, if only to preserve your sanity.

I thought of inviting you to my other club but you know how it is. Lunching there is a useful way of reminding people that you're still alive, but the members will come up and congratulate you on the fact.

You never forget the people who were kind to you in childhood, do you, sir?

Metaphysical speculation is about as pointless as a discussion on the meaning of one's lungs. They're for breathing.

A politician is required to listen to humbug, talk humbug, condone humbug. The most we can hope for is that we don't actually believe it.

When I heard, Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall, I thought, Did he fall or was he pushed?

I knew the facts of death before I knew the facts of life. There never was a time when I didn't see the skull beneath the skin.