No novelists any good except me. Sovietski -- yah! Nastikoff -- bah! I spit me of zem all. No novelists anywhere any good except me. P. G. Wodehouse and Tolstoi not bad. Not good, but not bad. No novelists any good except me.

Golf, like the measles, should be caught young, for, if postponed to riper years, the results may be serious.

Slice him where you like, a hellhound is always a hellhound.

The voice of Love seemed to call to me, but it was a wrong number.

What is Love compared with holing out before your opponent?

I'm all for rational enjoyment, and so forth, but I think a fellow makes himself conspicuous when he throws soft-boiled eggs at the electric fan

There is only one cure for gray hair. It was invented by a Frenchman. It is called the guillotine.