It ought to be a criminal offence for women to dye their hair. Especially red. What the devil do women do that sort of thing for?

You're one of those guys who can make a party just by leaving it. It's a great gift.

As a rule, from what I've observed, the American Captain of Industry doesn't do anything out of business hours. When he has put the cat out and locked up the office for the night, he just relapses into a state of coma from which he emerges only to start being a Captain of Industry again.

I attribute my whole success in life to a rigid observance of the fundamental rule - Never have yourself tattooed with any woman's name, not even her initials.

It's curious how, when you're in love, you yearn to go about doing acts of kindness to everybody.

No novelists any good except me. Sovietski -- yah! Nastikoff -- bah! I spit me of zem all. No novelists anywhere any good except me. P. G. Wodehouse and Tolstoi not bad. Not good, but not bad. No novelists any good except me.

Routine is the death to heroism.