People are always angry at America. They're absolutely certain that America either caused their problems or is deliberately not fixing their problems. But the anger is always directed at America and never at Americans.

The American political system is like fast food - mushy, insipid, made out of disgusting parts of things and everybody wants some.

Gossip is what you say about the objects of flattery when they aren't present.

All change is bad. But sometimes it has to be done.

Long conversations with pals when neither you nor they have had a drink can be a test of palship.

I figured if I could put together being funny about stuff and actual events, maybe I could do something that wasn't being done much. Because the reporters that I met out there were funny, and they had hilarious stories that just didn't fit in the AP/UPI/New York Times foreign-correspondent style. They couldn't use the things they had. But I could.

Southern California is a nice place, if you could cut out the show-business cancer. It just keeps spreading.