Wherever there's injustice, oppression, and suffering, America will show up six months late and bomb the country next to where it's happening.

You read [Bill ] Maher's book, and he didn't take Econ 101. All his arguments about gasoline, it's not that they're right or wrong - they're just not informed.

One thing talk can't accomplish is communication. This is because everybody's talking too much to pay attention to what anyone is saying

Worshiping the earth is more fun than going to church. It's also closer.

Who does Bill Clinton think got off the boat and stepped on Plymouth Rock? Peace Corps volunteers?

In our brief national history we have shot four of our presidents, worried five of them to death, impeached one and hounded another out of office. And when all else fails, we hold an election and assassinate their character.

You know your children are growing up when they stop asking you where they came from and refuse to tell you where they're going.