Just as some things are too strange for fiction, others are too true for journalism.

A fruit is a vegetable with looks and money. Plus, if you let fruit rot, it turns into wine, something brussel sprouts never do.

You don't despair about something like the Middle East, you just do the best you can.

Neither conservatives nor humorists believe man is good. But left-wingers do.

The Democrats said, "We don't know what's wrong with America, but we can fix it." The Republicans said, "There's nothing wrong with America, and we can fix that."

The founding fathers, in their wisdom, devised a method by which our republic can take one hundred of its most prominent numbskulls and keep them out of the private sector where they might do actual harm.

Anything that makes your mother cry is fun