I suspect most self-described 18-year-old Scandinavian women named Inga who collect and wear string bikinis are, in reality, more likely to be middle-aged, pot-bellied guys named Lou who collect and wear string cheese.

That's the trouble with trying to influence an undecided voter. First you have to find one

If any group of citizens is uniquely unqualified to tell someone else how to vote, it's those of us who live in the sheltered, privileged arena of celebrity hood......Trust me, one's view of the world isn't any clearer from the back seat of a limo.

I'm more concerned about members of Congress being drug-free than I am about members of the Yankees or Giants

There is a reason the Democrats have had only two Presidents since 1968 and have managed to lose control of both houses of Congress in recent years. There is a reason they keep snatching defeat from the jaws of victory. And it's not fraud and it's not dirty politics and it's not stupid voters. It's the plain and simple fact that the majority of those who vote don't like them.

I dont' like talking to horses because they are naysayers

Anyone who has seen me spin that heavy, giant wheel on television knows that I'm not a steroid user