I wasn't in a position to defend myself. Sometimes it's a brutal profession. The first thing I thought of at the time was revenge. I have a more levelheaded take on the issue today.

I wouldn't call it an addiction. But the truth is, when you join a team as a new professional you encounter a system. As a young rider, older riders let you know how the business works.

Riders called me up afterwards to say that they had had no other choice. I couldn't understand the way they changed their tune.

The crazy thing is that I really wasn't under any pressure. My contract wasn't going to expire until the end of 2008, and everyone was satisfied with me. But I wasn't. I always wanted to improve.

Ampoules containing cortisone, testosterone gel residues, syringes and needles, a centrifuge for measuring my blood values.But, contrary to the erroneous reports in the press, they didn't find any EPO or growth hormone.

I made a big mistake. There's no doubt about it. But there have been positive testing cases in the past where the offender wasn't attacked to quite the same extent, especially not by other riders.

My mother had to justify the fact that she had heart pills.