In the long term everyone traffics in foregone conclusions, and in the short term they just get drunk. This is the way it has always been. Some half-assed ambiguity masquerading as mystery is all anybody's really looking for.

If stealing a few saltshakers was wrong I didn't want to be right.

In the long term everyone traffics in foregone conclusions, and in the short term they just get drunk. This is the way it has always been. Some half-assed ambiguity masquerading as mystery is all anybody's really looking for.

I hate bananas. I just hate them. But I also think a banana suit is the funniest fruit costume a person can wear.

The world is your oyster... ...too bad you're allergic to shellfish.

It’s like someone who prays every night saying God’s a good listener. Just because you’re talking to us doesn’t mean we’re listening. With me and God, you never really know.

Mockery when done without prejudice or discretion, can be a form of respect. It's the closest we'll ever come to true equality.