I don't think Bruce Willis can compete with me. I have a much better voice.

I can be on the Tonight Show, but not with Johnny [Carson]. He uses my name in his monologue all the time.

A large part of the reason I want to be so mysterious is so that I can move on and do something serious at some point in my career X years from now. It might be very difficult otherwise, because I'm... wild

I call it... the hot dog tree, because... it's a hot dog tree.

People read so much into what I do. It's fascinating to me because some of it's probably there, but I haven't thought of it.

It's a lot easier to say you're a comic than a performance artist.

I'm fortunately not in a situation where someone owns me.