Yes, I shot my wife because I thought she was Bigfoot, but I'm from New Jersey.

Writing is 90 percent procrastination: reading magazines, eating cereal out of the box, watching infomercials.

The only thing I have ever been asked [by a pollster] was the age at which I first indulged in oral sex (which, since it was a Yale Daily News poll, meant kissing).

Dysmorphia is when someone looks in the mirror, and sees something else. While I studied my own whatever I was, I decided that maybe everyone has at least a touch of dysmorphia; maybe it's impossible for anyone to ever truly know what they look like.

I just hate that gay role models are supposed to be just like straight people, as if even straight people are like that.

Because there’s a clock attached to every beautiful woman. From the second she comes into her own, she begins to decline, because she begins to age. Aging is every beautiful woman’s kryptonite. And so, yes, it’s ridiculous and no, you don’t have much time and of course it’s not fair. Those three statements are the essence of beauty.

Most gay bashers will be wearing what gay people had on four years earlier - only in polyester with a Penney's label.