I just hate that gay role models are supposed to be just like straight people, as if even straight people are like that.

Most gay bashers will be wearing what gay people had on four years earlier - only in polyester with a Penney's label.

As a writer, I need an enormous amount of time alone. Writing is 90 percent procrastination: reading magazines, eating cereal out of the box, watching infomercials. It's a matter of doing everything you can to avoid writing, until it is about four in the morning and you reach the point where you have to write. Having anybody watching that or attempting to share it with me would be grisly.

I believe in a benevolent God not because He created the Grand Canyon or Michelangelo, but because He gave us snacks.

According to Hollywood logic, none of the actual Titanic passengers was interesting enough, so the writer-director had to invent a Romeo and Juliet-style fictional couple to heat up the catastrophe. This seems a tiny bit like giving Anne Frank a wacky best friend, to perk up that attic.

The only thing I have ever been asked [by a pollster] was the age at which I first indulged in oral sex (which, since it was a Yale Daily News poll, meant kissing).

Most convicted felons are just people who were not taken to museums or Broadway musicals as children.