If God didn't want you to have it, He would never have let you see it.

Wait, we can not break bread with you. You have taken the land which is rightfully ours. Years from now my people will be forced to live in mobile homes on reservations. Your people will wear cardigans, and drink highballs. We will sell our bracelets by the road sides, and you will play golf, and eat hot h'ors d'ourves. My people will have pain and degradation. Your people will have stick shifts. The gods of my tribe have spoken. They said do not trust the pilgrims, especially Sarah Miller. And for all of these reasons I have decided to scalp you and burn your village to the ground.

Yes, I shot my wife because I thought she was Bigfoot, but I'm from New Jersey.

Whenever I stumble over my own feet, or blurt out a thought that makes no sense at all, or leave the house wearing one pattern too many, I always think, 'It's okay, I'm from New Jersey.' I love New Jersey, because it's not just an all-purpose punch line, but probably a handy legal defense, as in 'Yes, I shot my wife because I thought she was Bigfoot, but I'm from New Jersey.'

Most convicted felons are just people who were not taken to museums or Broadway musicals as children.

I just hate that gay role models are supposed to be just like straight people, as if even straight people are like that.

I love [my parents], but what if I could really talk to them? I mean, what if they had some answers? Or would that just be too weird?