I want to have my face look like Brad Pitt. Then I'll be with Jennifer Aniston and then Angelina Jolie. Then the real Brad Pitt will come in, and we'll have a Brad Pitt face-off.

Small towns seem to appreciate things a little bit more. They're less jaded and they're more kind of authentic and more themselves and they don't care as much.

I think as a standup performer you have to feel the audience. So the audience kind of dictates what they get, you know?

I think you gotta look at stuff half-full as opposed to half-empty.

I kind of was raised at The Comedy Store by comedians. When you see my dad on stage before me and then you see me, you'll see where I got a lot of my stuff.

I'm definitely a lot more comfortable now in my 40s than in my 30s - that's for sure.

I fly around with chicks on each arm and have no script. I just talk about what I feel like. But that's why my act works: I'm like this normal guy.