Underwear. It's like a god damned leash. It also constantly reminds me of how funny I look naked.

♥"I'm a procrastinating underachiever at heart."♥

There was a fence and there was this other van- So I go, 'Fence or van? Cause I'm crashing into one of them,' and I said 'Fence,' so I hit the fence and bounced into the van

If you aren't just a little depressed, then you aren't paying very much attention to what's going on in the world.

My wife can look at me in a certain way and I can tell by her eyes how she's feeling about me or when I should stop talking about something. It's kind of the way twins have their own thing.

It was the single best sexual encounter I've ever had. We were in the Soho Grand Hotel, and there was a mirror, and I was like, 'Oh my God, you're banging the girl of your dreams and you're watching it right now.'

And I could write it better than you ever felt it.