The garden of Eden was a boggy swamp just south of Croydon. You can see it over there.

I would much prefer to be a judge than a coal miner because of the absence of falling coal.

Playing rugby at school I once fell on a loose ball and, through ignorance and fear, held on despite a fierce pummelling. After that it took me months to convince my team-mates I was a coward.

The thing that makes you know that Vernon Ward is a good painter is if you look at his ducks, you can see the eyes follow you around the room.

Now I tell you the downside of this is you feel awful, but the upside is you feel terrific.

I didn't know dirty words could be done that artfully.

As I looked out into the night sky, across all those infinite stars, it made me realize how insignificant they are.