Life is a zoo in a jungle.

I write when I'm inspired, and I see to it that I'm inspired at nine o'clock every morning.

Anyone informed that the universe is expanding and contracting in pulsations of eighty billion years has a right to ask. What's in it for me?

My father hated radio and could not wait for television to be invented so he could hate that too.

Confession is good for the soul only in the sense that a tweed coat is good for dandruff - it is a palliative rather than a remedy.

How do you expect mankind to be happy in pairs when it is miserable separately?

Everybody hates me because I'm so universally liked.