There's a common saying that everybody deep at heart loves their mother, except sometimes we decide our actual mothers don't measure up. And so we look for a replacement.

We're excited for when Sony greenlights the $50 million film a "Bunch Of Swirling Colors" starring George Clooney and a lava lamp.

We runners talk about having fun but I don't think anybody believes us. We talk about discipline and endurance, we take care, we exercise caution, we watch our diets and monitor our pace. We are ascetics who talk, unconvincingly, of the bracing enjoyment of self-abuse.

If the internet has taught us anything, it's that you want less news and more cats.

According to Domino's head of marketing, whose job we are doing for her right now, quote, "it makes it easy for people to ask and receive something that they'll really use." It's cute. What better way to practice for your inevitable divorce than a gift you can easily divide evenly between the two of you?

We know that the president [Donald Trump] watches "Saturday Night Live" because he tweets about it. He doesn't like it, but he keeps watching it.

Look out sinners because if you do not go to confession, confession will come to you. The Catholic Church in northern England has launched a mobile confession unit called the Mercy Bus.