We runners talk about having fun but I don't think anybody believes us. We talk about discipline and endurance, we take care, we exercise caution, we watch our diets and monitor our pace. We are ascetics who talk, unconvincingly, of the bracing enjoyment of self-abuse.

Scientists have determined that the most irritating sound to the human ear is the sound of a knife cutting a glass bottle. And the second-worst sound is a fork scratching a glass bottle. Evidently they did all their research at the Picnic for Morons.

Look out sinners because if you do not go to confession, confession will come to you. The Catholic Church in northern England has launched a mobile confession unit called the Mercy Bus.

According to Domino's head of marketing, whose job we are doing for her right now, quote, "it makes it easy for people to ask and receive something that they'll really use." It's cute. What better way to practice for your inevitable divorce than a gift you can easily divide evenly between the two of you?

So "Grand Theft Auto," for those who don't know, is the video game series where players pretend to drive cars around these virtual cities, getting points for winning street races and killing people and generally creating mayhem. So, of course, we should make the robots practice driving in a violent, lawless dystopia.

An Icelandic mayor goes on an anti-elf rant which gets him in trouble.

If self-driving cars are going to work - they're being tested now, as you know - the computers that drive them have to have lots of practice before they're allowed to get out in a real car on the roads.