I started writing when I was 9 years old. I was like this weird kid who would just stay in my room, typing little funny magazines and drawing comic strips.

I believe that kids as well as adults are entitled to books of no socially redeeming value.

A real New Yorker likes the sound of a garbage truck in the morning.

I do like a lot of things that a lot of adults would scoff at. 'SpongeBob SquarePants,' 'Looney Tunes.'

Well, I hate it when authors come into a school and they say to kids, 'Write from your heart, only write what you know, and write from your heart.' I hate that because it's useless. I've written over 300 books - not one was written from my heart. Not one. They were all written for an audience, they were all written to entertain a certain audience.

I love theme parks but I'm a real chicken on rides. I'd rather invent scary rides for my books than go on them for real.

I used to get a haircut every Saturday so I would never miss any of the comic books. I had practically no hair when I was a kid!