You can’t be serious,” Eve said. “Guys. People get eaten in places like this. At the very least, we get locked in a room and terrible, evil things get done to us and put on the Internet. I’ve seen the movies.” "Eve,” Michael said. “Horror movies are not documentaries.

Great," Shane said. "Look i'd rather not be on janitorial duty. I have allergies to cleaners." "And to cleaning," Michael said. "Look who's talking, Didn't the do one of those Animal Planet documentaries about the roaches in your room?

“There is no drama so great as that of a teenage girl,” ... “Except yours.”

How can you smell this good after the kind of crappy day we've had?" "I sweat perfume. Like all girls.

I'm a vampire, idiot. I don't have x-ray vision." "Some supernatural monster you are, remind me to trade you in for a werewolf, bro. Probably be more useful right now.

Run first,' Shane said. 'Mourn later.' It was the perfect motto for Morganville.

You're just full of awesome; did you know that?