Truth is scary. Truth has bad breath at times
Don't take yourself so personally.
What the word God means is the mystery really. It's the mystery that we face as humans the mystery of existence, of suffering and of death.
Faith is in the soul. Belief is thought. Faith is so rich. Faith gives me my spiritual self.
Suffering lets us see where are attachments are - and that helps us get free.
Everything in your life is there as a vehicle for your transformation. Use it!