We must always look after our friends, even when they are foolish. Especially when they are foolish.

I came ready to fight Genghis Khan and I walk in on a shut-in playing the biggest Dungeons and Dragons game in history.

Memories are bullets. Some whiz by and only spook you. Others tear you open and leave you in pieces.

Being able to embrace contradictions is a sign of intelligence. Or insanity.

Did I hurt your feelings again? Sorry. When this is all over I'll send some flowers to your inner child.

Don't talk. Kill it." That might be the sweetest thing a woman's ever said to me on a first date.

God is the great janitor of the universe. Why things don't work is that we have a janitor in charge, and we keep looking for the landlord.