Communism: Liberation of the people from the burdens of liberty

Math anxiety: an intense lifelong fear of two trains approaching each other at speeds of 60 and 80 MPH.

Most people perceive moderates as timid, middle-of-the-roaders, who can't take a stand.

But God has the most fun with artists and writers: he inflames them with the desire to rival his own creations, then douses their overheated ambitions with a cold spray from the garden hose of reality. If they persist, he slams them to the ground and tweaks them on the proboscis for good measure. A fortunate few break free and prosper; the others lament the day they didn't become bank clerks.

The world belongs to people with IQs of 120. Anything much greater or less amounts to a liability.

POWER: The ability to make our fellow humans squirm, sweat and stammer on command. Often regarded as an aphrodisiac; actually a potent laxative that, whenever ingested by people in high places, causes everyone below to run for cover.

Cynic: an idealist whose rose-colored glasses have been removed, snapped in two and stomped into the ground, immediately improving his vision